About those Hummer Ads...

This fortnight's Carnival of the Liberals wanted parodies ... I don't know if this will make it into the carnival or not, but here goes:

The Fab Fourwheels Medley
Celebrating
The New Hummer Campaign

(cue the music)

In the town where I was born
Lived a man who sailed the seas,
And he told us of his life
In the land of SUVs.
So we drove across the turf
Till we reached an empty beach
Now we drive down through the surf
In our yellow SUVs

We all drive in a yellow SUV,
A yellow SUV, a yellow SUV,
We all drive in a yellow SUV,
A yellow SUV, a yellow SUV,

And our friends are all around
Many more of them drive up and down
And the shore begins to fray …

(toot toot toot hoooooooonnnnnnk)

So we live (so we live)
A life of greed (a life of greed):
Every one of us (every one of us)
takes what we need (And need is relative)
Road of black (asphalt black), clear of trees (who needs trees?):
Room for us and our SUVs!
(out of the way!)

There's plenty of room for us:

Empty town.
As I drive the streets both up and down,
There is no one as I look around,
Oh I drive in an empty town.

Suddenly,
It's not half the work it used to be,
There's no traffic here annoying me,
My empty town is just for me.

Why they had to go, I don't know:
And I don't care.
I've got an SUV and I'm free
To drive anywhere!

Empty town -
Driving on this flat and level ground
In my SUV I drive around
My fantasy, my empty town....

And speaking of playing around:

I met a boy named Jakie, how he loved to slide
On the playground
Then a girl she cut in line, into his pride:
She cut him down
His mom was ashamed, she was ashamed….
But she set him straight…

Mommy Big Hummer
Mommy Big Hummer
Mommy Big Hummer
Drive!

I saw them in the parking lot, it was yesterday
She was so proud
She spoke with tears how for seven years he’d given way,
Been pushed around
Girls cut in line, they cut in line
And all that she could do was grieve….

She said she roars now past their house and she guns it loud
And crushes their bikes,
She takes two parking spaces and intimidates
She does what she likes:
She bought a Hummer, and as she got in her Hummer
I heard Jakie ask her please:

Mommy Big Hummer
Mommy Big Hummer
Mommy Big Hummer
Drive!

She's savin' him from this, 'cause she's a real woman...

He’s a real nowhere man
In the grocery line he stands,
Buying all his tofu cans
For somebody
Doesn’t have a pair of balls
Scurries every time she calls
Doesn’t walk, he only crawls
He’s nobody…

Nowhere man, please listen
Take a look at what you’re missin'
You in fact are not a man in any way!
Nowhere man, you’re dyin’
And your balls she is fryin’
Nowhere man, buy a Hummer, quick today!

He’ll buy a Hummer and he’ll see
He can be an SOB
He can drive a yellow SUV...

A yellow ...
A yelllow ...
S. U. Veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Thank you!

We'll be here a lot longer than we should!