Friday, March 21, 2014

Hmmmm...

From the excellent My Thoughts Be Bloody (about Edwin and John Wilkes Booth):
New Orleans' pleasures came at a price.    Many who flocked here annually never returned to their homes but remained in the city permanently, residents of the graveyard.
It seems to me that this sentence doesn't really work. There's a referent problem.

If people "flock here annually" they can't also "never return", can they?

I'd like to see something more here, such as "many of those who flocked..."

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1 Comments:

At 4:09 PM, March 21, 2014 Blogger Kevin Wade Johnson had this to say...

I didn't catch that until you pointed it out, and reread it to boot.

Thanks! Good point, and subtle enough to escape me.

 

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