Monday, April 16, 2012

NPM: Dusk

dusk: bells quiet,
fragrance rings
night-struck from flowers

-- Bashô
(tr Jane Hirschfeld)

鐘消えて 花の香は撞く 夕哉
Kanekiete hana no ka wa tsuku yuube kana

Other translations:

the bell fades away
the blossom's fragrance ringing:
early evening.
--David Landis Barnhill

The sound fades,
the scent of the flowers arises, –
the bell struck in the evening.

The temple bell dies away.
The scent of flowers in the evening
is still tolling the bell.

Fading bells –
now musky blossoms
peal in dusk.
--Lucien Stryk

After the chimes fade
cherry fragrance continues:
evening dusk.
-- Makoto Ueda

Смолк вечерний звон –
лёгкий аромат цветов
угасает вслед.
-- Дмитрий Смирнов

Колокол смолк вдалеке,
но ароматом вечерних цветов
отзвук его плывёт.
--Вера Маркова

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At 11:11 AM, April 16, 2012 Anonymous Kathie had this to say...

Thanks for posting so many translations -- illustrating vividly the translator's conundrum of so many ways to translate a poem. Not knowing the original language, I can't presume to say which translation is best.

At 3:15 PM, April 16, 2012 Blogger The Ridger, FCD had this to say...

Here is an EXTREMELY literal translation:

temple bell fades /
cherry-blossoms' scent strikes /
evening IS

The word "scent" is marked as the topic, the "kana" at the end is an emotive particle which is "often quite untranslatable" (yay) - often an O and ! are used, but not always (O the evening! O the dusk!)... The verb "strikes" might be "rings" - it's generally used for bells.

At 4:25 PM, April 16, 2012 Anonymous Kathie had this to say...

Thanks, Ridger. Perhaps "chimes"?

Gotta love those "untranslatable" words, huh? (Bangs forehead repeatedly on keyboard, à la Hax).


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