NPM: Dusk
dusk: bells quiet,
fragrance rings
night-struck from flowers
-- Bashô
(tr Jane Hirschfeld)
鐘消えて 花の香は撞く 夕哉
Kanekiete hana no ka wa tsuku yuube kana
Other translations:
the bell fades away
the blossom's fragrance ringing:
early evening.
--David Landis Barnhill
The sound fades,
the scent of the flowers arises, –
the bell struck in the evening.
--R.H.Blyth
The temple bell dies away.
The scent of flowers in the evening
is still tolling the bell.
--R.H.Blyth
Fading bells –
now musky blossoms
peal in dusk.
--Lucien Stryk
After the chimes fade
cherry fragrance continues:
evening dusk.
-- Makoto Ueda
Смолк вечерний звон –
лёгкий аромат цветов
угасает вслед.
-- Дмитрий Смирнов
Колокол смолк вдалеке,
но ароматом вечерних цветов
отзвук его плывёт.
--Вера Маркова
Labels: poetry, Russian, translation
3 Comments:
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At 11:11 AM, April 16, 2012
Kathie had this to say...
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At 3:15 PM, April 16, 2012
The Ridger, FCD had this to say...
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At 4:25 PM, April 16, 2012
Kathie had this to say...
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<-- Older Post ^ Home Newer Post -->Thanks for posting so many translations -- illustrating vividly the translator's conundrum of so many ways to translate a poem. Not knowing the original language, I can't presume to say which translation is best.
Here is an EXTREMELY literal translation:
temple bell fades /
cherry-blossoms' scent strikes /
evening IS
The word "scent" is marked as the topic, the "kana" at the end is an emotive particle which is "often quite untranslatable" (yay) - often an O and ! are used, but not always (O the evening! O the dusk!)... The verb "strikes" might be "rings" - it's generally used for bells.
Thanks, Ridger. Perhaps "chimes"?
Gotta love those "untranslatable" words, huh? (Bangs forehead repeatedly on keyboard, à la Hax).
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